||[Sep. 24th, 2008|11:48 pm]
She's Your Sam
Hi everyone- this is my first post but I joined a while ago. Rawrsky asked me to post this fic here and I totally forgot about it until now...|
I hope you like it. It doesn't have any Leah in it but it's wishful thinking J/B.
Title: Choosing Human
Summary: oneshot, New Moon AU. Bella and Jacob decide to go cliff diving, together. Once at the top of the cliff, however, they get caught in the storm. Jacob confesses his feelings to her. Bella has just told him that she is not ready, and that she is still in love with a certain someone else. How will Jake react? Will Bella change her mind?
This is a story about two human beings, named Jacob and Bella.
This is not about anything magical or supernatural, and is written so that even someone who has not read the Twilight series could still read this and understand it, because you really don’t have to know the whole complicated story to understand the simple love between two people. There are no vampires, no werewolves; just two normal human beings.
He was standing there, rain beating against his bare chest. His enormous hands shook as he took in the sight of me.
I must have looked horrendous. My wet hair was plastered all over my face. I was hugging myself, partly because of the cold rain but also because I felt like if I let go, I would fall apart. This gaping hole inside of me was threatening to rip me in half, again. I ignored the pain. Raindrops splattered against my face, concealing the tears. Even through the rain, he could tell. He could always tell; there was no hiding anything from him.
He calmed himself, clutched his hands into fists to keep from shaking, and stepped forward once, concern evident on his features.
I wanted to run to him, to throw my arms around his strong torso, and to believe that everything was going to be all right. Because he could make it that way. I knew he could dry my tears and heal my scars. And there was nobody else in this world who would be able to do that, not anymore.
“I won’t pressure you. I just wanted you to know how I feel. You don’t have to tell me you feel the same, not if you don’t want to.” His voice was gentle. I expected him to still be angry, but he seemed calm now. It only made me want to give in to him more, to accept his love. It wasn’t too soon. I could go on living like a… how had Charlie put it? A zombie. Only, pretending that the hole in my chest didn’t exist. Or, I could choose to continue being human. Choosing human meant a lot of pain, of course. But with the pain came healing, and love. I had to find out, had to know if it was worth it.
“But I… I do.” I could not deny the truth. It was there, this whole time, and I had been trying to ignore it, to pretend that it wasn’t real, and that those feelings I had had months ago were the real deal. But it wasn’t true. That other… person was never meant for me. After all, he wasn’t human. I could never ask for anything more than human.
I thought a long time ago that I was in love, but I realize now that I had just been reaching for the moon. The moon had never wanted me, and all this time I’d been so depressed, so unable to function, feeling as if I could never go on without it. That is, until I’d stumbled upon the sun.
The sun smiled at me, and with his long legs took a mere two steps forward, enough to close the distance between us.
“You mean it?” His grin was so childlike; his voice reminded me of a kid whose parents have just promised to buy him his favorite toy for Christmas. I would be promising so much more.
“Yes, Jake.” He threw his arms around me, nearly knocking the wind out of me. His body was so big and warm, it felt unfair that he was only sixteen. But I didn’t care. He could be stronger than me, tower over me, and hug me until I couldn’t breathe all he wanted, as long as he did it for the rest of our lives.
His grip around me began to loosen, but I locked my arms around his back, holding him tighter to me. I needed that now, to be able to hold on to something. Because I couldn’t feel the hole at all, not while we held each other like this.
We went back to his house later that evening, just talking, laughing, and… well, being human. It came so naturally with him, and I couldn’t understand why I had had trouble with that in the past. I couldn’t grasp it, or why I hadn’t chosen this--him--a long time ago.
I did not feel the hole again that night. Nor the next day, when he greeted me on my front porch and took me for a drive. Nor the next week, when we went on our first date and he brought me flowers, grinning bashfully. Nor the next month, when I finally told him I loved him. I never felt the hole, ever again.